Ever been in a situation where u have to take a decision in a matter of seconds? And the decision is really big... I mean really big.. like someone's life depends on it..

Your mind goes blank.. your heart rate reaches 200, And you're too overwhelmed that your subconscious takes over and takes that decision for you... And you feel grateful for that..

But the instant before your instinct kicked in..
There is something big that fills your entire brain with blackness
and you tremor.. You're afraid.. The feeling gets over you in a millisecond and you cant even move your tongue.. You can't take a breath, and everything is in blurry slow motion..

That instant.. You where paralyzed literally.. You can do nothing,,.. you can't even think.. You're dissociated from this world.. And you feel "I hate myself.. Is that all what I can do", "I hate this world", "why am I so pathetic"?

I fear it.. I fear this moment a lot.. And I have to face it a lot in my work.. It haunts me even when I want to sleep.

Its my only fear on this planet.. I haven't come to any mean that can help me overcome it.. And the worst part is, I know, I will die having the same phobia.. The phobia of that moment..